


Second Thoughts

by queenofroses12



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s02e22 Return to Tomorrow, Friendship, Gen, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25781470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofroses12/pseuds/queenofroses12
Summary: The climatic events of Return to Tomorrow, from Kirk's point of view. The Captain finds himself faced with the consequences of his impulsive decision, and has to give an order he never thought he would have to.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Second Thoughts

They were more or less aware within the orbs. Kirk could see what was happening out there, could see what his orders had done. Dammit, why hadn’t it occurred to him? One glimpse of Sargon’s mind and he had been convinced.

He had forgotten the basic rule they drilled into you in the Academy, the rule Deep Space did an even better job of drilling into you.

No species would be identical to another one. Do not assume that. Do not use your race’s values to judge one who evolved in a different world, of different blood, of different thoughts. Any one who couldn’t make that fundamental shift in thought would be out of the Academy by the first year.

Equally important was the second rule – never assume one member of a species would behave identical to another. After all, humans differed a great deal from each other – one wouldn’t expect Scotty and Bones to react the same, one wouldn’t expect either of them to have anything in common with, say, Dr.Adams. then why should one expect all members of an alien race to react like identical copies of each other? That was a practically xenophobic view, to tell the truth. Not to mention the type of view that could get you killed. Or get your crew killed.

Like he was doing now.

He had based all his assumptions, gambled the lives of his crew, gambled his ship, on what he had seen from his brief mental contact with Sargon. Yes, Sargon was noble. Sargon was trustworthy. Sargon had given his word and could be expected to keep it. But it was not just Sargon who was involved, was it?

What right had he to assume Thalassa and Henoch – especially Henoch, outright stated to have been on the other side of whatever conflict that destroyed them – would be the same? They were individuals, and individuals could..differ a great deal when it came to handling problems.

Like Henoch. And of course he had gotten the only body which could handle the increased metabolism. The best of the three, yeah.

He could see the other two orbs, the glow within them, but there was no way to contact them. The one that contained Spock’s mind glowed the brightest, he noted. Was the first officer in the same situation? Watching, frustrated, unable to interfere? He must have realized what was happening before any of us did, Kirk realized. He, psi-null as he was, had gathered a great deal from the momentary contact with Sargon’s mind. Spock, the experienced telepath, must have understood, at the moment of transfer, when it was too late to fight back, what Henoch intended.

 _Spock_ , he tried to call. _I am sorry._

There was the briefest sense of another presence, like the brush of fingers across one’s hand in the dark. Spock could hear him, even if he couldn’t respond. His own body lay in the bio-bed. McCoy could keep it there for years if need be, the machinery would sustain life. For all appearances, the body was in deep coma. The machines would keep inflating his lungs, pumping blood, all the little matters that went into running one of the most complicated machines of all.

Sargon was dead now, wasn’t he? That was what Bones believed, and Kirk was more or less forced to agree with him. He had never sensed that Sargon and his people could move around out of the orbs. Sargon had been too far away to get to his own life support system in time. What had he felt, that last moment? Knowing that he had been so close to success, for the first time in millennia, he had had a chance and was now robbed of it? That he had once again, made one of the worst mistakes a leader could make – could not comprehend his subordinate’s motives – and that it had ended the new life he had been waiting so long for, and more important to one like Sargon, had broken the promise to these star wandering children, those who had come to help, had trusted him.

It was rather disconcerting, looking at his own dead-alive body on the biobed. Well, he had deserved this, Kirk supposed wryly. But Spock and Ann Mulhall hadn’t…He glared at Thalassa from the orb. (Could one glare without eyes? Well, he was trying, anyway).

“Is that not worth your captain’s life?”

No, damn sure it isn’t! Don’t you dare, Bones! he needn’t have worried.

“I am a doctor. I don’t peddle in flesh.”

Tell her, Bones! Thalassa’s – Ann Mulhall’s – eyes narrowed. Looks like Henoch isn’t the only one on a power trip. Just what have I unleashed on my ship? He wanted to scream a warning, but of course he couldn’t. McCoy glared back at the woman before him…The next instant, he was engulfed in flames.

Kirk watched in anguished rage. Was he to watch them kill Bones? Surely he could do something…Reach out, call for help..That was ridiculous, of course. He was no telepath. He couldn’t even properly master the meditation techniques Spock had tried to teach him. (The Vulcan had politely insisted that it was because Kirk’s mind was too dynamic, too active to be chained down.)

Just when it looked like her victim could take no more, Thalassa backed off, clutching her temples, dazed, shaken. She was horrified by what she had just done, Kirk saw. Genuinely horrified.. She may be no Sargon, but she was not Henoch either. Kirk had been concentrating so much on projecting a warning to someone, anyone, that he did not hear what Thalassa was saying. But he did hear Sargon’s voice.

“Thalassa, my dear, I am glad indeed that you have discovered the truth by yourself.”

Only after almost killing my CMO, you…Wait a second, how was the guy still hanging around? When the answer came, it only made him more eager to throw a punch. In my ship? He is now possessing my freaking ship? Great. Henoch had body-snatched Spock, zombified Christine Chapel, Thalassa was about to ash Bones and now Sargon was hitching a ride on his ship…

”There is a way out” Thalassa was saying, now perfectly calm and in control.

She and Sargon had a telepathic rapport going. He could sense messages passing to and from, like one could feel the trace of energy from a phazer blast that just missed, but he couldn’t make out the actual words. They were making their plans. In spite of everything that had happened, Kirk could feel a confidence in Sargon. He had touched the being’s mind, and knew well enough, whatever Henoch and Thalassa may be up to, Sargon was trustworthy.

We’ll get that bastard out of your body, Spock, he tried to project.

There was no way to tell whether Spock heard him. Thalassa and Christine entered the room. Why had they brought Christine? She had been taken over by Henoch…A moment of doubt stirred in him. Was Thalassa on their side, after all? There was no reason to trust her, and every reason not to. He tried to get a clear look at Chapel, to see whether she was herself, or just a vessel for Henoch.

Spock must hate this, he supposed. Vulcans had very strict moral codes on how to use their telepathic powers. Using them to effectively hijack another’s mind like Henoch had just done was beyond despicable, something no Vulcan would even dream of doing.

“Captain?” For a second he thought it was Spock’s voice, there was the same undertone of sure confidence and quiet strength, but this was someone far older, far stronger.

“Sargon?”

“Yes, my son.”

“You didn’t sound this way before.”

“I..am slightly inconvenienced by this..non organic vessel. Your silver lady.”

“You took that from my mind?” S

argon did not answer, as such. “I owe you my deepest apology. I confess I misjudged Henoch’s motives”

“And mine” Thalassa murmured, sounding genuinely contrite. “I yielded to temptation.”

“Not all the way” Kirk projected. There was a lot of things he’d love to yell at this one, but it won’t do to antagonize her or Sargon…Wait a second, if Sargon could read his mind, was he getting all this? A wry chuckle answered that.

“I understand how you feel, and I’m sure, so does Thalassa. We have done unpardonable damage to yourself and your people, I through naivete, Thalassa through weakness and Henoch through malevolence.”

“What is done is done” Kirk had by now recovered his diplomatic tone. “What remains is to undo what you can.” He felt Sargon hesitate.

“I fear that will not be easy, son. Not for us and not for you. There are few options left us. And this vessel, your ship…It cannot hold my mind long, without suffering damage to itself. I must admit our long wait has been useless, after all. We should not have survived. We never learned…”There was an almost inaudible sigh, a catch in his voice. “Henoch must be stopped, Captain. At any cost.” Kirk frowned.(Or tried to).

“If you are possessing the ship, surely you can…”

“I have stopped him for now. The ship is effectively drifting in space, the helm won’t respond, he cannot send out messages, receive any…But only for a limited time, Captain. I am not sure how long I can maintain myself thus, but it will not be longer than a day. Henoch can simply outlast me. And while he is waiting for me to fade away, your crew will be the toys he will alleviate his boredom with. He does not need all of them, and Henoch was always…creative when it came to punishments.”

Kirk winced at the idea of what that creature could do. The creature wearing Spock’s form.

“Isn’t it possible to…exorcise him? Allow Spock to return to his body..”

Sargon’s voice, when it returned, held infinite regret.

“Henoch is as strong as I am, my son. And the body he has taken…Your friend has considerable power of his own, power that he keeps under strict control, power that Henoch has unleashed. I fear I will be overwhelmed, unless we take Henoch by surprise…But right now, the main thing is to restore yourself and Anne Mulhall to your true vessels.”

“And you two?”

A pause.

“We…We must depart…It is to you to defeat Henoch.That you can, I believe…But at a price that you will find steep.”

“What do you mean?”

Sargon seemed to be stealing himself.

“There are no other options before us, son. I fear we cannot depart leaving you unharmed as we ..As I..promised, but still…”

“Tell me” That was a command. Sargon could be an eons old demigod, but this was still his ship, his crew. He was in charge here, and it was about time he asserted it.

“I will now restore you to your body and heal the damage my possession has wrought on it. The same will be done for Anne Mulhall. But it is a risky process.”

“You did that easily enough before.”

“Then I was entering a live, healthy body, son. I was not reviving a dying one. It has been long since I have wielded such power, and if I make a mistake, I may doom all of us. However, I cannot leave you to die. Morality aside, someone must lead the battle against Henoch, and you are the only one who can.”

“Spock can do that as well as I”

“He cannot. “ Sargon’s voice grew a little less sure of himself, a little more pained. “I beg your pardon for forcing you to make this choice, Captain. But we..Henoch must be slain, and that cannot be done without taking your friend’s life as well.”

The tidal wall of anger that erupted from Kirk at the very idea was enough of a ‘No’ to reach Sargon.

“It must be done, Captain Kirk. I know how much it pains you, but Henoch is too dangerous. We cannot remove him from a body, a brain, as powerful as your friend’s. which leaves us, and you, only one option.”

“To kill Spock. To kill my best friend.”

“Or to allow Henoch to have his way with all of your people. Those whom you are directly responsible for. And perhaps worse. You know well, captain, what one like Henoch can do, with a starship under his command.”

Images, images of horror, flooded his mind. Images of what would be. Unless he acted…

“I must speak to Spock.”

“You know what his answer will be, captain. He is a Vulcan, and he is a Starfleet officer. You know what his choice would be.”

“I must speak to him, all the same.”

”You cannot. My power fades, Captain. I cannot become a conduit between yourself and your friend. It must be your decision. And a swift one.”

A long pause of agony. No third options, this time. He could not order his officers to find him a third option. Only two choices, both of the unacceptable.

”Captain. If you are unable to choose, I must, in your stead.”

It was like being caught up in a whirlwind. Not the easy, almost unnoticeable transition that had been earlier. For an instant he was nowhere – not in the comforting prison of the orb, not in his own body, nowhere. Nothing. A piece of thought alone, floating anchorless.

He could sense others with him in that limbo – Spock, and another who must be Anne Mulhall. He tried to call out to Spock, but couldn’t, anymore than he could within the orb. For an instant of agony he was sure that Sargon had failed, after all, he, they, would never return to their own bodies, that it was over…

”Captain! ”

This time it was Spock’s voice. Agonized, confused, but Spock’s voice. How much of the conversation had he heard? Did he know what was about to happen to him?

“Spock!” he called out, but once again his voice stuck in his throat.

And then it was over. He was in his own body, in the biobed, gasping for breath, heart racing. Near him, he could hear someone else struggling as he was doing to adapt to this sudden return to corporeal form. It was a few moments before he could pay attention to the surroundings.

Thalassa was already on her feet…No, Anne Mulhall. He knew that even before he met her eyes- wide and horrified. He followed her gaze. To the smoking, melted orbs beside each bed. The one beside the vacant bed. Melted, charred, by the onslaught of energies flowing around them. The minds within…

”Spock” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “No. please..”

But he had known already, hadn’t he? And kept hoping, to the last moment, like the fool he was..He could feel Anne Mulhall’s eyes on him. Asking for the next orders. Asking him what they must do. With an almost superhuman effort, he choked down the grief that had threatened to swallow him for a moment. There would be time to mourn, later.

“Are you alright, doctor?”

Mulhall nodded, somewhat dazed. “Captain…The commander..”

“Is Thalassa gone?”

“Yes. Gone with Sargon. I don’t know where…”

“Where they should have gone millennia ago.” He glanced around the room.” And it’s time we sent Henoch to keep them company.”

Christine was heading for the door, her face blank. He moved to grab her hand, but decided not to bother. If they had Christine moved off the playing board, Henoch would simply choose another puppet. As the doors slid open for Christine, McCoy rushed in, then froze, eyes widening as he took in Kirk’s presence, alive and well. The doctor’s look of mingled delight and surprise was so comical that in other circumstances, Kirk would have been hard put to keep from laughing. As it was, he barely managed to call up a pale smile.

“Hello, Bones.”

“Jim.” McCoy stared. “Jim, are you alright?”

I have to murder my best friend, Bones. Other than that, perfectly alright.

”I’m fine, Bones.”

The doctor’s eyes went to Mulhall.” Thalassa?”

“She’s gone” Mulhall repeated.”Gone with Sargon. I’m Anne Mulhall. Back in my own body.”

He could tell the exact moment Bones caught sight of the charred, blackened receptacles. His expression went from delight to bafflement to horror in the space of a second.

”Jim. Those receptacles..Spock’s mind was in one of them!”

What do you want me to say? The captain must never show weakness before the crew. Not even before McCoy. It was only Spock he had allowed to see him as he was, see him vulnerable, baffled, at times fumbling. With Spock, it was alright. With Spock, he could afford it. Not with anyone else. They needed the invulnerable captain, the superhuman, the demigod.

”It had to be done.”

The doctor’s blue eyes were full of horror and rage combined.”What do you mean, it had to be done? There’s no Spock to return to his body! You’ve killed a loyal officer, your best friend!”

It took all the self control he had not to lunge at McCoy, to shake him, yell at him ‘Do you think I don’t know that?’McCoy would call him Jim, but it was the Captain that he addressed. It was the captain that he needed.

“Bones. Prepare a hypo. The fastest, deadliest poison to Vulcans. Spock is gone. Now we must kill his body – and the thing that is in it.”

Would McCoy ever know what it cost him to say those words?

The Bridge was manned by horrified, pale crew members, everyone’s eye on the creature in the command chair, the creature that wore their gentle First Officer’s face. For a moment, Kirk dared hope that they could rush Henoch, inject him before he was aware of their presence. Idiot. They were dealing with a telepath.

“Pain, Captain” Henoch didn’t even bother to look at them “And you, my dear.”

Kirk tried to rush forward, but the pain was too much, his muscles seizing, cramping over, his every nerve on fire..Beside him, he saw Anne Mulhall double over, a tortured moan escaping her lips. McCoy, the only one left untouched, darted forward, hypo in hand. Whatever he may feel about this, the doctor knew his duty. Besides, one glance at what Henoch had been doing to the bridge crew had been enough to convince him that there was not even a trace of Spock left within that body. He was an inch away from injecting Henoch when he froze. Henoch laughed.

“Doctor, doctor. Fortunately, I know every thought of every mind around me” He gestured negligently at Chapel, standing blank faced next to him. “Now, dear, take the hypo from this fool. And inject him with it. Let’s see how fast it works on humans.”

No one except Chapel could move a muscle as she took the deadly hypo from Henoch, moved calmly forward to inject McCoy…and whirled to inject Henoch instead.

For an instant, no one, including Henoch, was sure of what had happened. Then he leapt to his feet, eyes blazing, even as the toxin robbed him of coordination, sending the usually graceful figure staggering. A neurotoxin, Bones had explained. Those worked best on Vulcans, considering how much their bodies depended on their brains for control, much more than a human body would.

“Fools!” he shouted “I..I will just..I will find another place!Another body!”

A flickering light. Henoch’s face – Spock’s face- showed, for the first time, a shade of fear.

“Sargon!” He seemed to sense something else happening, the other being’s presence overwhelming him even as he attempted to flee the dying body. “NO! Sargon, please, please let me transfer! Sargon!”

The pleas for mercy slurred, trailed off, his eyes began to close. Henoch collapsed, sinking gently to the floor. At the same instant, the frozen crewmembers were free to move again. Henoch was gone.

McCoy was the nearest, but it was Kirk who reached Spock’s side first. Now, motionless on the deck, it was Spock. His face, his body. Kirk had held back the tide of grief as long as he could. He fell to his knees beside the Vulcan.

“Spock. My friend..”

The face, relaxed in death, pale. You’ve killed a loyal officer, McCoy’s voice echoed in his mind. You’ve killed your best friend. He wanted to beg Spock to forgive him, but couldn’t, mostly because he knew Spock would indeed forgive him, was he able to hear. And he didn’t deserve to be forgiven.

Risk is our business…I have seen into Sargon’s mind, we can trust him..

Hubris.

He had sent Spock to his death, because he was so damn sure that he was right, that Captain James Tiberius Kirk was always right…

It should be me, lying there dead. It was my decision, my mistake. Why should Spock be the one to pay the price? He wanted to take the limp body into his arms, hold him close for once. But Spock would have hated that, wouldn’t he? He doesn’t…didn’t..like to be touched.

”Spock” he called again, knowing that his voice was cracking, was almost a sob “If there had been any other way..”

He sensed Sargon’s return before he heard his voice.

“I could not allow the sacrifice of one so close to you.” 

It took a moment for what he heard to register. The flickering light once more, emerging from…from where? Enveloping Spock’s body..He heard McCoy call his name, half-stifled gasps and murmurs from the rest of the bridge crew, but he barely notices them. His eyes are fixed on Spock’s face, the returning life, awareness. He reached out, hardly daring to make sure…

Spock’s eyes flicker open, unfocused at first, but unmistakably Spock. Not Henoch, not Sargon. Kirk is not sure how he knows that for certain, but he does.

“You’re alive” He realizes that he’s grinning like a fool, but doesn’t care. “You’re alive.”

Spock raises an eyebrow, as if saying ‘That should be obvious, Captain’.

McCoy sounds even more flabbergasted than he feels. “That hypo..It held enough poison to kill ten Vulcans.”

Sargon’s voice holds a trace of amusement. “I allowed you to believe thus, so that Henoch would read that from your mind and leave the supposedly dying body.”

“It seems that the injection was only enough to cause unconsciousness.” Spock says calmly as Kirk helps him up. The Vulcan is back to normal, his perfectly stoic manner back in place.

Kirk has pulled his own Captain persona back into place, enquiring, listening, smiling a little at the way Chapel explains how they “shared consciousness.” (There will probably be more than a few jokes made about how Christine finally managed to get Spock ‘inside her’ for once). There are still loose ends to be sorted out, Sargon and Thalassa dispatched, reports to be filed, inspections made. But all that seems incredibly easy now, perfectly easy to deal with. He has his body back now, more important, he has Spock back now, back where he belongs, and it is enough.


End file.
